just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i now understand why vodka
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
