it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
