He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
