the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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