You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
