So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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