why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
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