Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
