the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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