erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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