oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
