Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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