do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
