Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
