i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
