You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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