RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
