So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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