So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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