sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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