just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
