did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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