When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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