so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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