those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
