All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
