I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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