My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
