It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
