Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
