I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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