And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
