just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
