Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
