So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
