Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
