I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
