Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
