Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
