Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
