I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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