just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
this hospital has no fireball
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
