so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
