I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
