Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
