he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
