At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
