i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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