She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
