During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
