I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
