Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
